I write only from my experiences and observations. And my journey has been a long one taking me into my fifties. I have experienced emotional and psychological abuse for most of my life, if not all of my life, from different people. But the thing is, I didn’t have an awareness of this abuse. Like many others, I thought it was normal.
And it’s not normal. While it’s best to get psychological consultants or at least work with a coach-therapist, if you have experienced the following, you have been abused either as a child, as an adult, or as both.
- You are unable to hold down a job for a long period of time. Forget the economy. If you have hopped from job to job, quit jobs often, were fired from jobs often, or if you have come down with an ailment or an injury from a jobsite, there is a good chance this is related to abuse from others that has turned into self-sabotage and self-abuse.
- You either hook up with dangerous partners or you can’t keep a relationship going when you are in a safe relationship.
- You cut people out of your life when they try to grow more intimately with you.
- You wear a mask in public and refuse to show any vulnerability to anyone.
- You move often either within the same city or you relocate often to new locations, even across a country. (And this is not related to rent increases).
- You are restless and grow bored easily.
- You either take too many risks or you are overly cautious.
- You suffer from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
- You Dissociate from others. People see you as having a cool demeanor but really, you’re not there at all.
- You run away from drama, except for the drama you spin.
- You feel that you have to fix everyone else’ problems and this leads to resentment.
- You don’t trust that others can handle their problems.
- You use control or manipulation to get your needs met instead of asking directly.
- You have passive-aggressive communication tendencies.
- You project your insecurities on others.
- You feel envious of other people’s successes.
- Either you can’t handle being alone or you isolate yourself.
- You believe that you have to prove your worthiness.
- You suffer from an addiction.
- You get involved with co-dependent or dysfunctional people.
- You over empathize with people and don’t see their courage or power.
- You believe you have to save the planet.
- You feel misunderstood, isolated, and unloved.
- You suffer from anxiety on a regular basis.
- You suffer from depression.
I have struggled with almost every item on that list throughout periods of my lifetime. And yet, I felt this was the new normal because the people in my circle of friends also struggled with the items on that list. In fact, when I was in my 20s and 30s, almost everyone I knew either suffered from an addiction, a bad marriage, or other co-dependency issues. We job hopped and moved often to new homes.
We fell deeply into denial saying that we were bohemians or temperamental artists. And we put up with each other’s dramas until we couldn’t sustain that lifestyle any longer. And then one by one, the people within my circle moved on. We felt we were victims and rallied against the established order–never trusting anyone. That’s not normal.
Now, it is the choice of each individual to clear the deck and heal old wounds so that he or she can show up authentically. And if we don’t heal our wounds we cannot expand in consciousness. It is impossible to live mindfully when we don’t even know what lurks in the recesses of our minds. The more light we shed on the darkness, the more darkness comes up for release. This does not happen overnight.
However, when we do the work with a qualified therapist or healer, we reap rewards. We find our true self buried underneath the pain and suffering we have endured. Yes, we self-validate that we went through that, but we don’t have to keep going through the trauma by rehashing it.
When we heal our wounds (and only we can do this work), we open the doors to new relationships, new friendships, new homes, the right location, the right career, and to a life of mindfulness and peace. We finally experience joy as well as, every emotion on the rainbow.
We don’t have to go from job to job, end up living on the street, or end up in a domestic violence shelter or rehab facility for us to awaken to the truth of who we are. If we recognize that within all the patterns in our lives, all the missed opportunities and all the wrong turns that we are the common denominator, then we muster the courage to face ourselves in the mirror and work towards changing ourselves.
However, if you end up in a hotel, your belongings stuffed in storage, and you face your tearstained face in the mirror, get on your knees and talk to God or your Creator. Surrendering to a higher power sets you on the right course. This is why AA groups work for most people. Find a supportive therapist and find a group of people who support your growth and not your wounds (this is why many support groups don’t work). Find people who have been there, got out of there and who moved on to living a rich life. They will show you the way to your authentic self, who has been waiting all along for you to show up.
I highly recommend Lisa A. Romano’s YouTube channel. I made progress in my evolution listening to her meditations. It’s time to walk away from shame, guilt and blame. Reclaim the precious self now.
Sign up for an astrology reading or a coaching session with me so we can unbury your treasure which resides in your wounds as well as, your power. This work is adjunct to your work with a psychologist or mental health counselor. I am not a medical practitioner.